


A Krampus Kristmas

by artificial_ink



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: And Pietro just wants a date, But no one should trust Loki with holiday decorations, Darcy Lewis loves to spread holiday cheer, F/M, especially when it annoys Tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-09 10:43:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5536931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificial_ink/pseuds/artificial_ink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony thinks the labs have gremlins but Darcy really hopes it’s just a rat problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Not A Date If Your Sister's There

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to post this earlier in the month but I honestly haven't had the energy to write lately. But it's still Christmas, even if it's almost over. Besides, Kwanza is just beginning so I can still write a holiday fic, right? 
> 
> This is based on the fact that I posted little Krampuses around the store I work. It's the only way to instill holiday cheer into myself.   
> Hope you enjoy. There's more to come!

“So when are we going on our second date?” Pietro asked smoothly, sitting on the edge of Darcy’s desk with his arms crossed and legs spread out so they brushed hers. Looking up from her very important business of cutting out little paper Krampuses, Darcy gave Pietro a raised eyebrow. They’d known each other for almost a year now, first meeting when Darcy and Jane moved into Stark Tower. As he always did when faced with a pretty lady, Pietro tried to woo her with his jawline and accent but once he realised Darcy wasn’t interested, they’d formed a fun, laid-back friendship. Yet in the past month, he’d started to flirt with more intention. In just the past week, he started to ask her out and wouldn’t stop. 

As flattered as Darcy was, she didn’t really see herself saying yes to the date he practically begged for. Sure, he was super hot, fun and an Avenger but he was also 4 years younger than her. Technically, he’d only been able to legally drink in the States for 5 months. While this wasn’t actually a huge age gap, Darcy had promised herself in the 8th grade to never date a younger man again after a disastrous and reputation ruining relationship with 7th grader Tommy Bridges. Not that she had actually told Pietro this. He swore until she told him the actual reason why she didn't want to date him, he wouldn't stop asking. Although it would save her trouble, Darcy didn't have the heart to tell him for some reason. A part of her liked his persistence and attention. Truth be told, it was likely that Pietro, even with his playboy ways, would still be a hundred times better than Bridges but a girl had to stick to her guns sometimes. And Darcy really didn't want to be called a cougar in training.

“Normally second dates happen after a first one. Which…has not, nor will it happen,” smiled Darcy, siding eyeing Pietro and finishing the last little Krampus. Pietro’s foot tapping against hers took her attention away from the next set of holiday decorations she needed to cut out. 

“What?” scoffed Pietro, insulted she didn’t remember. “Friday! All that shopping? I bought you lunch. We shared a piece of pie.” 

“Black Friday was not a date. I just needed your speed to help me get the best deals. Besides, your sister was there. How can you think that was a date?” 

“I don’t know,” Pietro shrugged with a well practiced pout that made him look kind of sexy. A flutter floated through her stomach. Scowling, Darcy tossed all the scrap paper into the trash can and pulled out the Festivus folder. “It seemed like a date. Even with all the shouting and pushing.”

“It’s not gonna happen, Speedy,” promised Darcy.

“Why not?” whined Pietro, scrunching his nose and looking more like a petulant child than suave womanizer.   

 “Because I only know a fraction of where your dick’s been and even that’s enough reason for me,” Darcy said, beginning to cut out a picture of meatloaf, pausing to take in Pietro’s sputtering. 

“ _What_? I am very careful! That’s a terrible reason! If I said that about a woman, you would call me a-”

“Double standards suck, don’t they?” shrugged Darcy. 

“How did this become about women’s rights? You know I believe if a woman wants to sleep with as many people as she wants, she should do it,” Pietro said, outraged at all the insinuations Darcy had suggested. As he ranted, she finished cutting out the meatloaf picture. As he paused to take a breath, Pietro calmed down and waited for Darcy’s gaze to lift back up to him. He continued with a grin. “And if she only wants to sleep with one person, she can. Especially if you are the woman and I am the one person. Besides, I _know_ that isn’t the reason. So what do you say? Just one date?” 

“It doesn’t matter. Point is, we’re not gonna date. You’re not my type. Sorry, not sorry,” insisted Darcy, letting her hair fall in her face to hide her blush. “There are many women who are more than willing to take my place though.” 

“How am I not your type? I am everyone’s type.” 

“That only kind of reinforces my point,” laughed Darcy. Try as she might to deter Pietro, Darcy had to admit that her resolve was waning. He was really cute and made her laugh, which happen to be high on her list of what she looked for in a man. Besides, they always had so much fun together.

“Come now. One little coffee date,” begged Pietro, jutting out his bottom lip slightly and rubbing the tip of his sneaker against Darcy’s calf. “Christmas spirit?” 

“We’re both Jewish,” pointed out Darcy sardonically. 

“Then Hanukkah spirit?” Pietro tried hopefully, waggling his eyebrows and picking up the printout of the aluminum pole. “Or…whatever spirit this is? Strippers?” 

“Wow. Okay, word of advice: when you’re already down with girl, best not to mention strippers,” Darcy told him condescendingly and plucked the print out from his fingers. “And it’s a Festivus pole. Some stupid holiday that was invented on a TV show. Tony claims to celebrate it now instead of Christmas and according to bossman, I can’t put up any decorations of anything unless I include _all_ holidays, non-denominational and otherwise.” 

“So…it’s a holiday where women dance on the pole?” Pietro’s brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what the holiday really was. “I suppose I understand why he would prefer that to a fat man eating all your desserts.” 

“No, you eat meatloaf for dinner, stare at the pole and tell everyone how they disappointed you over the year.”

“That sounds terrible. Though I do have some things I would like to say to Stark…” smirked Pietro, liking the possibilities of the holiday. His foot was still rubbing against Darcy’s calf and she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t moved yet. From the corner of her eye, she watched Pietro pick up one of the Krampus cut outs. 

“What is this? Are there little demons for Festivus too?” 

“No, it’s Krampus. I thought I’d hide them around the labs and scare people. Which, you know, totally in the Krampus spirit,” Darcy smiled, knowing for a fact that Tony actually really hated the concept of Krampus. Apparently, his Austrian nanny told little Tony stories of Krampus as a warning when he was too rambunctious. It definitely warranted a therapy session but Tony had been such a wang about all the changes Darcy had been enacting in the labs, she wanted some revenge. He hired her as the Stark R&D HR Supervisor. Only a fancy title for scientist wrangler, perhaps, but it also meant she got a sweet apartment in Stark tower as well as awesome pay and benefits. It was Darcy’s job to create a enjoyable work environment and that included putting up holiday decorations. Besides, Darcy picked the cutest Krampus picture so it wasn’t like he could be _that_ angry. It was a black furry Krampus that looked more like a dog-dragon than a demon. He even had little bells hanging off his long tail.

“I hate Krampus. My uncle used to tell Wanda and me that it would eat us if we didn’t eat our vegetables.”

“I thought Krampus was mostly an Austrian thing. Didn't know you guys had him in Sokovia.”

“Well, my uncle always liked to tell lies. Then it got him killed by the…uh, how you say? Ah, mafia,” Pietro snapped his fingers, remembering movie night from a few weeks ago. “He tried to steal from them.”

“Pissed off the Godfather, huh?” 

“He was not a good man,” Pietro shook his head. 

“Well, he was scaring little Jewish kids with the story of Krampus. A little morally ambiguous if you ask me. Now as lovely as this was, you need to leave. I have a lot of decorating to do,” Darcy pointed her thumb at a box full of garlands, star of Davids and a slew of other holiday related decorations. 

“All the more reason I should stay. I am fast and much taller than you,” Pietro reasoned and Darcy had to admit he had a point. She did hate getting on the step stool and a lot of times she was still too short. A part of her wanted his company too. Not that she’d admit to _that_. 

“Fine. Grab some scissors and start with the dreidels. These are going on the bulletin board,” ordered Darcy and Pietro dutifully followed. An unnerving presence filled the room though and Darcy’s skin prickled. When she looked up and searched for the source, she saw Loki watching her from the doorway. He looked genuinely interested in what she was doing but when he caught her gaze, his normal mask of indifference fell. 

“Don’t you have some research you need to be helping with?” Darcy asked suspiciously and Loki raised an eyebrow at her tone, which he deemed ignoble.. 

“I am taking a short recess. Dr. Norris is most unbearable when he does not imbibe at least 3 cups of tea within the hour,” explained Loki and Darcy narrowed her eyes at him. He was technically right. The man needed to be constantly plied with tea to function. She’d have to chat with her minions to make sure they were keeping on tea schedule. Dr. Norris had travelled from London to work with Jane on wormhole and rainbow bridge research. Loki was also supposed to be assisting them as penance for pretty much existing at this point but talking in mystic riddles about Midgardian incomprehension of the vastness of the universe wasn’t really that helpful. “Making more little ornaments? I very much enjoyed your domestic fowls. Though…rather fragile, weren’t they?”

At that, Darcy gasped then glared at him. She _knew_ he was behind the turkey massacre of 2015’s Thanksgiving decor but didn’t have physical proof and thus could not get Thor to berate Loki for it. The day after she finished the Thanksgiving decorations, she walked into the office to find all the turkeys without their heads and dripping corn syrup blood. It was hell to clean up and some labs had to be repainted because she couldn’t get all the stains out. 

Before Darcy could toss the scissors at Loki’s head, which would have been really bad as someone in charge of HR, Pietro zipped to the door. The door slammed on Loki’s smirk and Darcy let out a breath when footsteps were heard walking away. 

“Thanks,” Darcy sighed when Pietro sat back on the edge of her desk and continued cutting out dreidels. “I hate him.” 

“I know,” Pietro said softly. “He is not a good man but I would rather have him under our watch than trying to control the universe again.” 

“Ugh, I don’t know why he’s allowed to wander free, though. I mean, he has those Asgard bracelets that’s supposed to limit his magic but I still don’t trust him. Once a villain, always a villain. Even if he’s Thor’s brother and has the knowledge of the universe in his head. Is it worth having the bad guys on our side if they just mess more up than actually help? Look at what happened to SHIELD when they let Nazis in.”

“Anyone can change. You know, I was sort of a villain once,” Pietro said lightly. “You do not hate me, right?” 

“You’re not guilting me into a date,” Darcy said, knowing his angle. His nose wrinkled at his failure. 

“Are you at least coming to our Hanukkah dinner? I make delicious latkes,” winked Pietro, tapping Darcy’s foot again. 

“Yes. Jane’s gonna be there too. So will Thor and probably the rest of the Avengers. So it’s not a date. Remember that.” 

“Okay, okay,” Pietro raised a hand in defeat. “But if you are still looking for my Hanukkah gift, just know I _would_ prefer a date.” 

“Just keep cutting’,” ordered Darcy, rolling her eyes but she had a small smile. An hour later, most of the decorations were finally up and the labs were already looking much better. Darcy had done her best to keep the decor choices to things that Loki couldn’t easily defile. Once Pietro actually started to help Darcy, he’d kept quiet on asking her out and focused on making the labs look exactly the way Darcy wanted them to. It had been nice, with him not complaining when she asked him to constantly redo things until it was perfect and the yiddish songs he sang merrily under his breath.


	2. The Ratpocalypse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter! Brought to you mostly by absinthe, which has been the only way to make me write and edit recently (because my muses really just want me to pull out my own teeth). Which means I've had some absinthe tonight and any mistakes are mine.  
> Also, thank you to those you commented/ gave kudos. I may not have answered but it gave me the push to write, strong French liquor or not.

As Darcy predicted, Stark was not a fan of the Krampus cut-outs. What she did not predict was that he would take them all down. Even the one she’d taped to the monitor at her desk. Her Captain America action figure that kept watch over her desk was kidnapped as well. Obviously, Tony was not a good sport but Darcy decided to be the bigger person and only mention it to him 3 times. He denied it of course. His exact words being: ‘I didn't touch your precious little Krampus demons and your Cap spank bank’, but she wasn't convinced. Still, Loki had yet to mess with the rest of the decorations so she wasn't going to complain too much. Besides, she had bigger problems to deal with. 

Namely, the rat problem. 

It started a couple days before. Darcy swore she heard scuffling when she was alone at her desk in silence. It escalated during her weekly snack inventory check, where she went through stock and ordered anything that they were low on. One of the things that Stark Industries prided itself on was treating the big name research staff as well as Google staff. Most of those dedicated events and atmosphere creation was done by Darcy and one of the details that this included was providing the preferred snacks. Depending on what they were, Darcy did her best to ration for health but if she learned anything from Jane, it was that a hungry scientist was a cranky one. This week while going through stock, she noticed that a whole box of mini Slim Jims (Dr. Kendall’s one weakness) was opened and each individual snack had been gnawed on by tiny teeth or completely eaten. 

“We have a rat problem, Darcy announced, slamming the box on one of the counters of Tony and Bruce’s shared lab. Darcy had made sure to give Bruce a warning of the abrupt sound, her main objective being to make Tony look up, which the bastard didn't even have the decency to do.

“There are no rats in Stark Tower,” Tony stated matter-of-factly as he continued to fiddle with a piece of his Iron Man suit. 

“Well obviously, we do,” sang Darcy in an annoyed tone. Finally, Tony looked up to stare at her with a raised eyebrow. It had been Maria Hill who hired Darcy and though Tony had approved of the hire, he never showed signs of liking Darcy. Even a little. She supposed he was fond of her like one became fond of an annoying, dumb pet but there definitely wasn't any respect for what she did. Darcy tried not to let it bother her and focused more time and effort towards every other scientist here, even if it seemed like hers was a thankless job.

“If there were rats, FRIDAY would have detected them and alerted the janitorial staff. So FRIDAY, any rats in the building?” Tony explained as if he were talking to a small child. 

“No Mr. Stark. I have not detected any rodents in the building,” answered FRIDAY primly. 

“Any roaches, ants or any of the Ant Man team having a laugh?”

“No, Mr. Stark.” FRIDAY answered again. Crossing her arms, Darcy rolled her eyes and huffed at Tony’s dismissive words.

“Then what the hell caused that? Kendall has more table manners than this,” Darcy gestured to the box and this time, Tony actually took the time to look. Quirking his head, he rubbed his chin and turned the box on the counter as if it intrigued him. There honestly wasn’t much to it. It was just a dispenser box made of thick cardboard and filled with ruined Slim Jims. 

“Was the box open before?” asked Tony, moving the ripped flap up and down. 

“No, it was a brand new unopened box in storage.” 

“So some rats pulled open the box on the serrated edges? Instead of chewing a hole?”

“I guess. New York rats are crazy balls,” Darcy defended, knowing that Tony was about to get technical and that she’d probably only understand a third of what he said and therefore look like an idiot in his eyes.  

“Yeah but they don't have the dexterity or the muscle mass. Or the skill solving ability. Right Bruce?”

“Uh...well a rat’s instinct would be to chew a hole to get to what it wants when there  isn’t any other route,” Bruce shrugged, not really wanting to be apart of the conversation but not one to be rude about it. “Though, perhaps, someone already opened the box and you weren’t aware?”

“What are you guys saying? I need to look for the asshole that did it?” Darcy raised an unimpressed eyebrow to mask the uncertainty she was beginning to feel. 

“What I'm saying is...wait just look at this,” sighed Tony, grabbing one of his Iron Man hands and letting it open up then wrap around him. Once it was securely attached, he aimed it straight at Darcy’s chest. Darcy didn’t have much time react, other than close her eyes and hope for the best when his repulsor ray powered up. Instead of getting a hole in her chest, the reactor ray plate popped off and bounced off Darcy’s left boob then onto the floor, revealing cheap magicians flowers now sticking out of the hand.

“What the hell, Stark? Warn a girl before you make her think she’s gonna die,” shouted Darcy, bending down to pick up the plate. When she looked back up, she saw Tony rolling his eyes at her. 

“Yeah, you _should_ have been injured. Point is, you weren’t and now I look like a cheap David Blaine imitator,” Tony said while pulling the flowers out of his hand and threw them unceremoniously onto his work table.  

“So? What does your shoddy work and love of optical illusions have to do with rats?” scoffed Darcy. 

“My work isn’t shoddy. Something has gone through all my inventions in the lab and screwed them all up. Internal wires were switched, things were loosened and it was all very precise work too. Everything was internal but the coverings were screwed back into place,” Tony turned to a metal box on his works able and pushed a button to prove his point. If Darcy remembered correctly, the device was supposed to emit a high frequency to incapacitate enemies without protective ear wear. Instead, it let out a pop, fizzled then a stream of blue-grey smoke rose from the back panel. The smell of burnt plastic and chemicals filled the room. “Look at that! Blue smoke! There’s been blue smoke everywhere today! My inventions never blue smoked like this, not since I was 12.”

“One of my lab coats still has some blue smoke smell from last week,” Bruce couldn’t stop himself from smirking, not taking his eyes from the figures he was analyzing and Darcy felt a kindred spirit with him. Though she still wasn’t sure what blue smoke meant, only that it was bad in the electronic circuit world. 

“Fine, my inventions haven’t blue smoked after determined periods of success since I was 12,” amended Tony.

“I’m confused, are you agreeing about the rat problem now or have you just gone completely insane?” Darcy asked, leaving the too easy premature ejaculation joke to the aerosphere of the lab. 

“Rats didn’t take apart my machines, Lewis. Just like rats didn’t open up this box of Slim Jims with tiny rat paws,” Tony emphasized, pausing for effect as he waited until Darcy was on slightly bated breath. “It was gremlins.” 

At that, Darcy just stared blankly at Tony because he _had_ gone completely insane. Or he’d been experimenting again and made himself a batch of gremlins. If the latter was the case, she was gonna leave it up to him to catch all of them before the entire city of New York was destroyed. 

“If you’re not gonna take this seriously, then I’m leaving,” announced Darcy, turning to bid Bruce a nice goodbye before taking her destroyed box of Slim Jims and heading back to her office to put in the snack order. Maybe she’ll order some plastic bins to put everything in too. “I don’t even know why I talked to you. I’m just gonna go to the janitors.” 

“Janitors can’t get rid of gremlins! Only sunlight can!” Tony claimed, sounding like a mad scientist, which only further confirmed Darcy’s suspicions that Tony had indeed created gremlins. Darcy wasn’t sure if it was an improvement from Ultron but she had yet to see if they were partially robotic or not. 

“Dr. Cruz uses mice in her research, right?” Bruce offered softly just as Darcy was turning towards the door. She spun back and nodded. “Worth checking to see if she’s missing any of them. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation for this.”

“Yeah, _gremlins_ ,” inserted Tony rudely, causing Darcy to roll her eyes and grown in frustration.

“Whatever. Thanks Tony. As always, you’re unhelpful but feel free to make some gremlin traps. Bruce, I _will_ talk to Dr. Cruz. That’s actually a great idea. Later, you crazy geniuses. I’ve got some rodents to find,” Darcy waved goodbye, swiftly ending the conversation and pulling out her phone to make a list of how to deal with the potential ratpocalypse. 

 

* * *

 

 

At the end of the day when most of the minions and scientists were gone (obviously, at Stark Industries, there were quite a number of researchers that preferred to stay in their labs after hours, which was why Darcy was beginning a program to get them some sunlight), Darcy sat back in her chair and opened a bag of Sour Patch Kids. She let out a long sigh and placed her glasses on her desk so she could rub at her eyes. The day had been tiring. In between her normal duties of making sure all the labs were stocked, minions were doing their jobs, checking up on Jane and a scheduled mediation, Darcy also went on the hunt for rats. Dr. Cruz was not missing any specimen but did offer some empty cages in case Darcy wanted to set up a humane trap of her own to prove Tony wrong. The janitor staff’s solutions were mostly of the very final variety and Darcy couldn't bare to knowingly hurt the rats, even if she hated them for eating more food than she had originally anticipated. She had a very strict rule of not seeing the animal in its full form before eating it and that extended to killing rodents. 

But that unfortunately had to wait until tomorrow when she wasn't exhausted. All day, people found her to complain about lab equipment that had gone missing, only later to be discovered as misplaced. Also, the mediation between Dr. Thompson and Loki had zapped all of her energy. Apparently, someone had been over trimming Dr. Thompson’s bonsai trees, which had originally belonged to his father and thus very personal. Then, some hydrogen peroxide was pooled at the bottom of the watering can Thomson used but he’d thankfully noticed before using it. The obvious assumption was that Loki was the culprit as the video footage was inconclusive. It was hard for anyone but Dr. Thompson to tell in the video feed when the damage occurred but it looked to be just a glitch in the footage otherwise. So magic intervention was obviously assumed. 

Loki denied the accusation, obviously, but Darcy couldn't help but notice he had the smallest of smirks during the whole meeting so she wasn't going to call him innocent any time soon because he was probably guilty in some way or another. They somehow reached an amicable agreement wherein Loki would magic back the missing foliage with no funny business and under Thor’s supervision. Darcy had clearly warned that if she came back one morning to find the trees screaming ‘feed me Seymour’, there would be dire consequences. At this point in their acquaintance, Darcy was sure that Loki found Darcy insignificant but amusing if only for her moxie so he listened to her when it entertained him most or in situations where Thor would have to eventually intervene. 

Eating a red Sour Patch Kid and savoring the sour then sweet contrast, Darcy opened her eyes and saw a blurry... _thing_ poking its head from behind her monitor. Without her glasses, she could just make out the furry black head and she knew this must be one of the rats. Except, it looked like it had tan horns curving up and over its head but that was impossible and probably just her bad eyes playing tricks on her. Not wanting to scare the little beast with any sudden movements or sounds, Darcy just stared at the rat for a long while. Slowly, she pulled out a Sour Patch Kid and placed it in the corner of her desk, pushing it towards her monitor with one finger. The rat poked its head out further in interest and sniffed at the direction of the Sour Patch Kid. As the rat was distracted by the candy, Darcy picked up her glasses and slipped them back on her face just in time to watch the rat walk into full view on its hind legs. 

“That is not a rat,” Darcy mumbled. The foot tall creature almost looked like an evil gremlin but Darcy refused to let Tony be right. The beast growled at Darcy, staring up at her on its hoven back legs and sounding like a mix between Stitch and a lizard. In one of its hands was a small pair of chained shackles and in the other was a bonsai tree twig, both of which he placed in the basket strapped into his back. The little bells on his basket and on his long tail jingled merrily as he edged towards the Sour Patch Kid. It was then that Darcy realised it looked exactly like the Krampus cut outs that had gone missing. 

Fucking Loki. 

“That's it little Krampus…” Darcy said soothingly, even if she was freaking out. “Sour Patch Kids taste better than naughty children.”

At her voice, his small ears perked up and he quirked his head to the side. Darcy was sure he understood what she said. With more confidence, the little Krampus took bolder steps towards the candy, waving his tail slowly back and forth so that the bells made a steady, mesmerizing rhythm along with his basket bells. Finally, he reached the candy, all the while sending Darcy wary glances. Picking up the Sour Patch Kid, his long tongue slipped out of his mouth and wrapped around the Sour Patch Kid’s head as he sucked on it experimentally. After a few seconds, he let out an interested mewl and his tongue slipped back into his mouth so he could gnaw on the candy. 

“Well, that’ll haunt my dreams,” Darcy snarked and the Krampus looked up at her with sad eyes as his posture drooped. It made her feel a little guilty. It wasn’t his fault he was a creepy little monster. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. You’re actually kind of cute.” 

Slowly reaching out to him, Darcy moved her hand towards him with the intent of giving him a little scratch. He watched her hand but didn't move out of the way because he was too preoccupied with eating. Rather quickly, he’d worked his way through the Sour Patch Kid by taking quick and frantic bites, getting through the head and working past the shoulders. When her finger touched the back of his neck, he froze but didn’t move out of the way so she used her nail to scratch along his nape. He stayed still for a few seconds, as if he were trying to decide if he liked the sensation or not but eventually, the Sour Patch Kid fell from his mouth and he let out a soft purr that rumbled through him like a kitten.

“So, you’re the one that been causing all this trouble? You don’t seem so bad,” cooed Darcy, scratching the top of his head between his horns and he closed his eyes in bliss as his tongue lolled out. The purr grew louder and Darcy decided that maybe she’ll keep the little beast. He really was cute and if she trained it right, hopefully wouldn’t be too much of a nuisance. “Who’s a good boy? I bet you’re hungry. Why don’t I order a steak from the kitchens? I haven’t eaten dinner and I’m probably starving as much as you.”

At Darcy’s suggestion, the Krampus opened his eyes and looked up at her in awe. His ears perked up again but he moved away from her touch. Worried she’d upset the little guy and would now have to chase him around, Darcy watched as he pulled the chains from his basket, clashed them against her desk a couple times so they made a rattling noise and let out a shrill cry. Before she could ask him what was wrong, the sound of chains and bells began to clank and jingle around her. It started out faint at first but quickly became louder. Darcy tried to follow the sounds and just as she gave up pinpointing the origin, she looked to the ground and saw a horde of tiny Krampuses heading her way. 

They all had the same basket and chains as the first Krampus but each seem to have their own gait and discerning features. In total, Darcy counted 7 Krampuses, including the one standing on her desk. Made sense, since that was the number of Krampuses she’d put effort into cutting out. There were other ones but they were just print outs she’d put in between notes of the scientists that could take a joke. At least, she hoped there weren’t any more little monsters. Though this did make quite a few things clearer, like the destruction of Tony’s inventions, the bonsai trees and the misplaced equipment. One Krampus was even dragging her missing Cap action figure behind him in shackles. A collective cry of excitement engulfed Darcy and she watched helplessly as she was encircled by hungry Krampuses. The first Krampus jumped up and down on her desk in joy, holding what was left of the Sour Patch Kid above his head. The other Krampuses followed his display, swiftly gathering at her feet and tugging on her tights.

“I’m gonna need more Sour Patch Kids,” Darcy stated as each Krampus reached out tiny hands and made grabby motions. “And probably a couple steaks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist/ Copyright Note: The image of the Krampus that I envisioned belongs to Megume of Deviantart
> 
> Blue Smoke (also known as magic smoke): According to a friend who was an engineer major for a couple years, is the electric engineer's sign that a part's fried beyond fixing other than just replacing.


	3. Loki's Unwanted Spawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments! Sorry for the long wait. I've been juggling multiple stories and working through some writers block. But now back to Darcy's little minions...

It took Darcy exactly 1 hour and 13 minutes to capture all the Krampuses. They did not want to be put in cages but they also seemed to be very motivated by the steaks she had sent up, as well as nape scratches. Also, they had pretty dexterous hands, so broke out of the cages a couple of times until Darcy found some locks. Though, they seemed to show knowledge on picking those, so she didn’t have much time. Thankfully, Loki took only 2 minutes to appear in front of her after she sent him a text about needing to discuss consequences and how he needed to get his ass in her office or else she’d find new ways to torture him. 

Loki materialized right in front of Darcy, making her jump, as well as wonder if it was a good idea that his anti-magic bracelets let him teleport wherever he wanted in Stark Tower. But Darcy wasn’t as concerned about that detail. She was more worried about the 7 intelligent Krampuses come to life, split between a couple cat carriers left over from when the scientists tried to disprove the theory of cats spinning in midair if buttered toast was strapped to their backs. _That_ had been a week full of paperwork. 

“As I told you hours before, I did not interfere in Dr. Kendall’s obsession of tiny trees,” Loki said drooly, once Darcy got over his sudden appearance. His eyes didn’t even shift to the Krampuses rocking the carriers back and forth on the ground by her desk and Darcy found that highly suspect. They were letting out varying noises of joy and laughter, as if breaking out was all just a game.

“I think you did, because these little guys are obviously your creation,” Darcy fired back, waving a hand towards the Krampuses that found mild interest in Loki. Raising an eyebrow, Loki took a few moments to stare at the little beasts. His expression was indifferent but the Krampuses calmed somewhat under his gaze. 

“I have no idea what you are suggesting,” Loki shrugged, breaking his gaze and focusing it on Darcy. The Krampuses went back to trying to break their cages and Darcy felt as if Loki was attempting to make her spontaneously combust. Still, she refused to let him think he scared her. 

“Just turn them back. They’re destroying the labs and I really don’t have time to take care of some bipedal rats,” huffed Darcy, trying to ignore the guilt that welled when the Krampuses let out a collective whimper at her harsh words. The rattling of the carriers stopped and Darcy couldn’t help but look down to find the Krampuses looking up at her with wobbling lower jaws.

“As you wish, Miss Lewis,” Loki said serenely and an uneasiness overcame Darcy. A dark expression clouded his features and he looked upon the Krampuses, making them quake in fear. Electric light began to spark around his hands as he raised them and pointed them towards the cages. The air in the lab cooled as if all the heat was being absorbed by Loki. Cries filled her office. The poor little beasts sobbed and ran in circles. Pain gripped Darcy’s heart while the Krampuses rattled the carriers again but this time in terror. 

“Whoa, what are you gonna go to them?” 

“Kill them, of course,”

“That is _not_ what I wanted you to do,” Darcy shouted. “I just wanted you to turn them back into the paper you changed them from!”

“I did nothing of the sort. Either way, they are alive now. It is only death they face if you want them to change back into what they once were. Their intelligent existence will cease. It will be painful one way or another, no matter what I do,” shrugged Loki, causing Darcy to growl. A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.. 

“Damn it! Then get the fuck out. I’ll take care of them, or whatever. Just don’t hurt them,” shouted Darcy, frustration mixing with her guilt. The sparks around Loki’s hands disappeared and the Krampuses calmed but occasionally a whimper could be heard. She picked up the carriers and put them on her desk. Poking a finger through the metal grid of the doors, Darcy’s heart melted when the Krampuses cuddled into her touch. 

“Again Miss Lewis, as you wish,” Loki said smugly with a mocking bow and Darcy wanted to punch him in the mouth. Multiple times. As if he sensed her desire, Loki grinned evilly and squared his shoulders. 

“You're an asshole. I hope you know that. And it's after hours, so I’m allowed to sat that,” Darcy said a little immaturely but Loki pursed his lips as if she were a hissing kitten.

“That's a matter of opinion.”

“No, pretty sure it's a fact.”

“Come now, weren't you moaning to Dr. Foster about how you wished for a pet? Now you have 7 to choose from.”

“Yeah, but I wanted a cat, not miniature demons that are supposed to punish little children,” scoffed Darcy, absentmindedly scratching whatever Krampus was under her fingers, causing them to purr. Other Krampuses started to complain at not being touched by grumbling in their own growling language and trying to push their way to the front. 

“They seem rather docile to your touch. You appear to have a knack for taming wild beasts,” observed Loki in a tone she couldn’t place. He sounded like he was making an observation but there some something else underneath the surface that she’d learned rather quickly meant he normally had an ulterior motive, so she waited for the punchline. When it didn’t come, Darcy narrowed her eyes at Loki. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what the words entail.” 

“Are you doing that thing where you insult someone but they don't know you're doing it?” frowned Darcy. She’d seen it happen many times. In fact, she’d been the victim of it too many times to count. 

“I assure you Miss Lewis, I am doing nothing of the sort. Though, I shall endeavor for the future to use clear and precise language when I next insult you.”

“Great. Lookin’ forward to that,” Darcy said with false civility,  matching Loki’s grin though there was more strain in her eyes. Something in his look began to change but before she could analyze it, a couple of the Krampuses began to snarl and fight. “Hey, you two! Behave! Everyone will get cuddle time if you’re all good little boys. Now stand in opposite corners.”

Much to Darcy’s surprise, they listened, even if they grumbled about it. The two Krampuses trudged to separate corners. One curled up into a little ball, hair fluffed out slightly and tail wrapped around his body. The other sat with his legs straight in front and arms crossed. 

“Well, you can go and...do whatever it is you do alone after hours. Plot to take over the world? Hurt puppies?” shrugged Darcy, attention now fully on the Krampuses and what the hell she was gonna do with them. From the silence in the room, she assumed Loki had just disappeared, so was understandably startled when he finically spoke back up. 

“Is that really your opinion of me?” Loki asked and Darcy thought might have been a little hurt but his expression was stony and his voice mockingly controlled, as usual. 

“Given that you’re half-assing your whole redemption thing, yeah,” Darcy said, not sure why he even bothered to stay and fight her on this. Fixing Darcy with a somber but somewhat earnest stare, Loki sighed. 

“Perhaps I feel no need to seek out redemption from the entire Earth. There are only few that I truly have remorse towards and would it not be better for me to focus my full effort in them instead of simpering for those I have and never will meet? I pick and choose over what opinion I value because not all matter.”

“Well, I know what category I fall in,” mumbled Darcy, breaking away from his intense gaze at it burned her skin. There was some logic to his reasoning that she couldn’t argue against but she didn’t want him to know she agreed. 

“Do you really?” Loki stated and Darcy’s stomach dropped at the insinuation. Although she didn't entirely know what he was suggesting, she knew it was heavy and Darcy wasn't sure if she wanted to deal with it. As Darcy floundered for a coherent answer, Pietro zipped into her office as a blue streak, stopping next to her and holding up two large takeout bags with his patented sexy grin. Looking between Darcy and Loki, Pietro’s smile faltered. 

“I didn't know if you'd eaten yet or not. So, I got us some Thai food. Uh...am I interrupting something?” asked Pietro, voice loosening some of his bravado when Loki’s eyes pierced into him. 

“I uh, sort of ate. They did most of the eating,” explained Darcy, waving her hand towards the Krampuses, who were all watching the interaction like it was a juicy soap opera. When he caught sight of the new lab pets, Pietro’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Though, I’m always up for Thai food.”

“I thought you said the scientists weren’t allowed to make monsters,” frowned Pietro, staring at the Krampuses with the same amount of wariness they seem to be showing him. One even barred his little teeth, halting Pietro’s attempts to get any closer. From the slightly pained strain on his face, Darcy could tell he was thinking about Ultron’s bullets again. He’d never really trusted Stark R&D. Due to this mistrust, he’d spent more time than he probably would have otherwise on the floors so he could keep an eye on what was happening. It led to his becoming friends with Darcy. Though, now he wanted more. The reminder caused butterflies to flit in her dropping gut. Reaching out to the cages, she scratched at the Krampuses and found comfort in their affection. 

“This isn’t science’s doing,” Darcy said with weight and Pietro’s eyes shot to Loki. As Loki took in a breath to deny this allegation, Darcy cut him off. “Allegedly, it was not science’s doing. Though, I don’t have actual proof of anything. Yet.” 

That seemed to satisfy Loki, who offered Pietro a smug but mocking grin. Rolling his eyes, Pietro muttered something in Sokovian that made Loki raise an eyebrow. Loki seemed to understand the warning and thought it quaint. Deciding to let the men have it out on their own if they so wished, Darcy just focused her attention back to her new pest problem and began to make a mental list of what she would need if she were indeed going to take them in as pets. The other option would be handing them over to Drs. Cruz and Lawrence. Darcy trusted Cruz but she wasn’t so sure about Lawrence. He was of the socially awkward but genius variety and often didn’t think about some of the consequences of his actions if it was for the quest of knowledge. It was a joy to remind him whenever he broke Stark Safety Rules. Still, she didn’t trust him not to try and dissect a Krampus or two in the search for where magic and biology intersected. 

While she was deep in thought, she didn’t notice Loki and Pietro had concluded their manly stare down. There hadn’t been a winner but Pietro was confident enough to hold the takeout bags in one arm so he could poke a finger into one of the carriages. Before touching the metal grated door, he offered Darcy a sweet and supportive smile, making her blush ever so slightly. She wanted to look away but she made herself keep his gaze. A moment passed and she had the urge to hug him. Behind her, she heard Loki groan in annoyance at their display. Not caring for Loki’s input, Pietro rolled his eyes and shared an amused smirk with Darcy as he blindly poked a finger through the door. Without warning, a Krampus bit Pietro’s finger as soon as he touched the metal grate. Shouting out in indignant pain, Pietro dropped the bags but quickly caught them before they hit the ground. 

“Bad Krampus! Don’t bite Pietro!” Darcy berated the guilty Krampus but this one did not cow down like the other two. Instead, it grumbled and hunched over, only slightly guilty for upsetting Darcy but not remorseful over the biting. The other Krampuses were snickering and Darcy huffed. 

“What are you going to do with them?” asked Pietro, examining his finger but when the saw no blood or cut, he lowered his hand. 

“I guess I’m taking them to my apartment. I don’t trust them in the labs alone and Loki’s only method of getting rid of anything is apparently painful death.”

 “Always so melodramatic,” chided Loki and Darcy fixed him with a glare. From the delight in his eyes, Loki had obviously been pleased with the Krampuses’ less than welcoming reaction to Pietro. 

“Look who’s talking. Need I name all the things you’ve done that could have been resolved by some talking and a bit of therapy?” asked Darcy, not caring one bit that she was poking a rather powerful being, magic binding cuffs or not. If he wasn’t going to be helpful, _ever_ , then why did she even bother? Instead of growing angry like he had in the past at the belittling of his struggles, Loki just nodded his head once as if she had a point. Again, highly suspicious. 

“I know more than anyone when I am no longer needed or wanted. I shall retreat so that your romantic evening can begin,” Loki stated, looking between Darcy and Pietro with distaste. 

“It’s not a roman-” began Darcy but Loki disappeared without a trace before she could finish. Letting out a grunt of frustration that she always had when dealing with Loki but wasn’t always able to release because she was a professional, Darcy turned back towards Pietro and her furry problems. 

“If you want it to be romantic, I can make it so,” Pietro suggested, waggling his eyebrows. The Krampuses made gagging noises at the suggestion and Pietro frowned at them. “Though then they are not invited. Or I at least need gloves if you plan on letting them out.” 

“Figuring out what to do with Loki’s unwanted spawn over Thai food? So romantic. How will I ever keep my panties on?” answered Darcy sardonically and Pietro smiled though she wasn’t happy with the slight glazing of his eyes as he thought about that suggestion. 

“Perhaps Wanda will know what to do? Assuming she is not busy with the robot. I have enough food for four. Does the robot eat? I do not think I have ever seen him eat.” 

“He’s technically a synthetic being and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him scarf down a dodgey New York hot dog. Pun not intended,” Darcy added at Pietro’s snickers. Picking up her briefcase and looping the long strap around her chest, Darcy focused on the Krampus carriers. “But they’re probably the best bet so far since Tony and Bruce are out on science business, which is actually just Tony awkwardly trying to make magic happen between Bruce and Dr. Cruz.”

“So, we are taking the rats?” confirmed Pietro, turning to look at the Krampuses when they let out shouts of indignation at the suggestion they were rodents. Their cries did not sway Pietro’s look of distrust. 

“Yeah, I give them about 5 minutes to undo those locks if left unattended,” nodded Darcy, not bothering to reply to Pietro’s look of amazement that the little creatures could pick locks. Picking up the carriers, Darcy led the way back to her apartment which was only a few floors down. She was resigned to the fact that she would be in charge of these little guys for at least the week. “You think there’s a 24/7 Petsmart? I may need a kitty litter box and some chew toys.”


End file.
